


I've thought of you a thousand times

by this_wayward_life



Series: Tumblr Drabbles [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Depressed Steve Rogers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Soft Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:35:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23454883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_wayward_life/pseuds/this_wayward_life
Summary: For the past five years, Steve had been living in a sort of limbo. He doesn't remember much, doesn't remember his emotions, doesn't remember the group therapy. The things he remembers the most were the days in March, one year after the other.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Tumblr Drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683862
Comments: 4
Kudos: 113





	I've thought of you a thousand times

For the past five years, Steve had been living in a sort of limbo. He doesn't remember much, doesn't remember his emotions, doesn't remember the group therapy. The things he remembers the most were the days in March, one year after the other.

He remembers the weather, one year after another; the chill of early spring, the leaves that had just started growing back after the winter. How the sun was out on the first, third and fourth years, how it was overcast on the fifth year, the rain on the second. How, in the first year, he'd turned around in bed to wrap his arms around a body that wasn't there, and then curled around his pillow and cried.

This year, Steve wakes up to a body curled around his side and dark hair in his face, and a slight chill from the metal arm slung over his chest. He closes his eyes again, willing away the lump in his throat and the moisture in his eyes, and turns onto his side to gather Bucky in his arms. Bucky hums and smacks his lips in his sleep, burrowing closer and drooling on Steve's neck like he used to do back in Brooklyn all those years ago. And Steve really can't stop the tears now, so he buries his face in Bucky's hair and breathes him in.

"Hey." Bucky's voice is rough and slurred, but he takes Steve's face in his hands and wipes the tears away, his eyes soft and concerned and only half-open. "What's with the waterworks, huh?"

Steve sniffs and looks away, unable to stand the look in Bucky's eyes. "It's nothing. Just go back to sleep."

Bucky raises an eyebrow and lifts himself up onto his elbow, and his hair falls into Steve's face. "Why would I do a thing like that when you look so sad?"

Steve manages a wet smile, reaching up to tuck a strand of wayward hair behind Bucky's ear. "Not sad."

"Then what?" Bucky asks softly, his eyebrows furrowed. "Did I do something?"

"No, no," Steve assures him, cupping the back of Bucky's head. "It's just... It's your birthday today."

Bucky blinks, then swings a leg over Steve's body to settle on top of him. "And that's a cause for crying... why, exactly?"

Steve shrugs, not meeting his eyes. "For the last few birthdays, you haven't been there."

Bucky's face crumples, and he leans down to press their foreheads together. "Stevie, please don't tell me you've been moping around because of me because I wasn't there."

"I thought you were dead, Bucky." Steve's voice cracks. "Again. I've spent too many years mourning you."

"Stevie," Bucky whispers, and kisses him as hard as he can. Steve grabs a handful of Bucky's hair and wraps his free arm around Bucky's waist, keeping their bodies pressed together like magnets. When Bucky pulls away, his face is almost desperate. "Stevie, don't you dare say that you still blame yourself for everything that's happened to me."

"If it weren't for me," Steve protests weakly, but Bucky cuts him off with another kiss.

"No. You don't get to say that. It wasn't your fault. It was Hydra's fault and Thanos's fault. You had nothing to do with it." Bucky grips his face fiercely. "You could never hurt me, Steve."

Steve closes his eyes, feeling the prick of tears again. "Every year, Bucky. Every year I planned what I would do for you if you were here. I'd buy you presents, I'd take you out, I'd kiss you and hold you and tell you how much I loved you. And I could never do it."

Bucky is silent for a couple of seconds, before he leans down and kisses Steve softly, his hair falling across Steve's face and tickling his nose. He's smiling when he pulls away. "If it really means that much to you, you could catch up."

"Catch up?" Steve repeats dumbly, and Bucky chuckles.

"Yeah. If you really wanna love on me that much, what's stopping you from doing it now?"

Steve rolls them over and presses Bucky into the mattress, and Bucky laughs as he slings his arms around Steve's shoulders. "You'd let me do that?" Steve asks, pressing kisses to Bucky's neck. Bucky arches up under him with a pleased hum. "Because I've got a lotta stuff I wanna do. It might take a while."

"I'm counting on it," Bucky replies, and Steve laughs and presses their lips together once again.


End file.
